Friday, October 9, 2020

R.I.P Horror

Sitting here all by my lonesome self on this gloomy – freeze your ass off – day, I’m in the mood for a good scare-me-half-too-death book that mirrors the raging weather outside, and to be frank, stay in my bed all damn day long. Yes, it’s morbid outside almost like my sunshine and unicorn persona. Forget the laundry, piling high like Mount Everest or the coffee stains on the kitchen’s marble counters, Winter is Coming . . . btw, screw you, George! (there you go, I said it.)

I practically spend an entire day scouring the World Wide Web for popular YA books in the Horror Genre and I realized something, call it epiphany bullshit, if you would, and came to a few mildly to severe conclusions. . .

1. Modern-day Horror is either nonexistent or it represents one of those cheap ripoffs where the main character trips over his guts and then dies of a scratch on his thumb. Horrendous, isn’t it?

2. Since when is Zombies considered to be apart of the Horror Genre? It’s dystopian, you know because it’s called Zombie Apocalypse!! (You should watch TWD, seriously. Watch it.)

To whoever decided it shall be so:

You’re an Idiot. 


Your mom.

3. I say Horror, you say Thriller! It’s not the same thing, buddy (Look at where it got MJ) Misleading blurbs

4. Yes, I’m making this up as I go because my fingers are feeling like ten little stiff cardboards of mischief. Make way for idle fingers, folks, I’m going to pop these babies in the microwave. 

5. It always ends the same, victorious. Have you watched Drag Me too Hell? (or something like that?) It ends terribly even though you want the protagonist to live because she’s a badass unfortunately she has been cursed and there are no loopholes. Perfect.   

6. My first serious read was a book by Graham Masterson and I remember sitting on the floor  of our living room with my Dad explaining to me why the cover looked like it did (Something about watching me and trapped souls. . .) That book scared the crap out of me. Each night after reading, I’d take the book and hide it under my bed or in my closet under a pile of 112-year-old shirts, just so it wouldn’t watch me sleep at night. They don’t write books like that anymore.

(aside 1: Before you go screaming at your screen about: “How could they let her read that?!” and other stuff like that. Growing up we used to live in remote locations for Dad’s work. Meaning, that there were 40 or so houses, one small shop, and no library. So I would take my Dad’s Horror novels and my small dictionary and read, If I didn’t understand a word I’ll look it up. It was the best reading years of my life.)

7. The change in views of what we consider as a Horror now and then are wide apart and to be honest it sucks because it slowly suffocated on its blood and died along the way. It’s just not the same anymore. I’d rather read a horror from the 90th century and up than from this day and age.

8. I can’t even think about more random stuff as I am writing this because my heart is heavy for the fragile woman in the room with the yellow wallpaper, for the old apartment rented by a young man, for the girl who was possessed, the clown who just wanted to play tricks and the hotel who drove a man insane. These were all great stories of their time and with no one to read them, a grave lays hidden under a weeping willow tree, it’s branches sweeping sadly at the weathered headstone. If you squint your eyes just enough, you can faintly see the letters roughly carved out on the greyish stone:


Wipes away fake tears. That’s about it – I think. If you are a horror fan like me, you’d feel my pain slowly turning me into that weird ass clown from American Horror Story. Did you guys watch the Hotel Season? 

At least not all Horror stories are bad. Google, Creepy 2 sentences horror stories. The one that freaked my out is the clock one.

Feel free to argue with me in the section below.

Goodbye, watch out for the shadow people, they are everywhere . . . (*Insert Blair Witch Project’s snot scene.)

*Disclaimer: A Bookish Review will not be held accountable for the BS stated above or Injuries sustained from reading the post including the man behind your door, heart attacks, water damage, clown nightmares, etc.