Saturday, September 26, 2020

A Bookish Confession

Oh, you bet your sexy ass I’m going there . . .We all experienced that moment where you want to grab that sexy hero from the book and rip into his pants like a hungry savage, like the ones from World War Z, you know? Super fast zombies on steroids? Brad Pitt . . .? No ? Is it just me?

What about the moment in the book where things start to really work your nerves and you lift your head and just think: “. . .that could be me but noooooo, this had to be the real world.” ? No ? *Stomps away like a child.*

So I have been reading a very romantic book and suddenly I wanted to start singing not because I’m happy, that doesn’t happen a lot, but because I felt empty, needy and deprived.  

🎶Where have all the good men gone, where are all the gods? 🎶

I could literally hear Bonnie’s thunderous voice echo inside my head like a bouncy ball in an abandoned hospital cafeteria. It was tedious. Don’t get me wrong I’m happily engaged *Cough* (Gives Book the Evil Eye.) but there’s something all books have in common:

It’s not real

but . . .

We want it to be anyway.

ASIDE 1: Before you jump down my throat, this is not at  all aimed at men but men from books. There’s a difference. Know the difference. Accept the difference. Okay, are we done here? Are you sure? Moving on.

The men from books are so gentlemanly and caring and romantic (And by Gods, the Sex.) but they can kill a charging bull with one slap and have so much money they can install a Red Room of Pain and care for an entire city for generations without having to work. Get it?

Or they are a total jerk but the girl still likes him, or he so sweet and it’s love at first sight.

Even in the Movies. So it goes both ways.

How exactly did romance books ruin my view of romance?

I started reading Mills and Boons when I was sixteen, how do you think? I saw kindness in everything a man and thought about kissing in the rain, bumping into my true love in the school’s halls, falling and him catching me while my cheeks reddened from being in his strong arms, loosing my innocence in a sweet, gentle and caring manner.

Then life said . . .

Wake up and smell the roses, you retard!

I enjoy my romance full heartily and It makes me wish for so much more but in reality we don’t need a lot when we have books and book boyfriends. I’m known to be a book porcupine but hey, can’t blame me when the Greek God’s themselves tempered them from the stones of Olympus and molded them to perfection. That’s why Narcissus fell in love with his own reflecting imagine in the pool of water . . . oh, and then he died.

The Moral of the story? If you wait for perfect, you’ll never find it . . .

Tell me in the comment section below what do you wish was real that are always portrayed in romance novels that would never be found in reality? One lucky commenter will win a blind date with a romantic E-book!